Eco-Nazis Warn about Bitcoin and Porn Causing Global Warming

Bitcoin and Porn Cause Global Warming

Hard core environmentalists also known as eco Nazis are now claiming that our planet will die from too much bitcoin spent on porn-sites, or something along these lines, and I am not joking either. Basically, the so-called anthropologic global warming, also known as climate change is now in high gear, because we like to watch porn and we’ve just invented bitcoin. If you come to think about it, these are 2 of the things millennials love the most, so this is some sort of poetic justice.

Getting back to our news story, experts are now warning the world about bitcoin and (internet) porn causing global warming. Speaking of porn, here’s a top notch investigation from a mainstream media outlet which claims that high-tech live-streamed internet porn is doing more harm to the planet than in the good old days of primitive glossy paper printed smut. And due to the billions of people surfing the internet and wasting their precious time (and bodily fluids) on porn sites, they create a yuuuuge carbon footprint, compared to the days of home-videos and magazines. Because, you know, those computers run on electricity.

Precise numbers don’t exist to quantify specifics, but the impression across the industry is that viewership is way, way up. Pornhub, the world’s most popular porn site, provides some of the only accessible data on its yearly web-traffic report. The first “Year in Review” post in 2013 tabulated that people visited the site 14.7 billion times. By 2016, that number had almost doubled, to 23 billion, and those visitors watched more than 4.59 billion hours of porn. And Pornhub is just one site.

So, if you want to save the planet, get a girlfriend or get acquainted to cold showers daily. Porn is bad for you, mkay? Save the planet, buy a sexdoll or whatever.

Since the beginning of the internet, porn-sites always had the highest amount of traffic, so this news is not new. If you ask me I’d say it’s a good thing. Think of how much sexual harassment it likely prevents. Without the internet, most men would not have jobs anymore, and where would that leave us? Do we really want women to run and work in all of the businesses?

Now, enters bitcoin. Obviously, since bitcoin doesn’t exist outside of the internet, and it’s a mining based crypto currency, the argument is the same: those darn computers mining and trading bitcoin are running on electricity, which comes from various sources, most of them boasting huge carbon footprints, to quote our lord and savior Al Gore, who is now a billionaire from carbon credits and similar things. Here’s a quote for you:

If Bitcoin miners were a country they’d rank 61st in the world in terms of electricity consumption.

Here’s a very nice article from the New Republic:

We only have 32 years left for carbon emissions to peak and then rapidly decrease, if our planet is to remain livable. We don’t have time or resources to waste on Bitcoin.

Vox:

If Bitcoin miners care about the environment a fraction as much as they care about profits, they should switch to cleaner electricity.

This is all Al Gore’s fault. First he invented the Internet, then he invented Global Warming. To tell you the truth, Gore confused me because first it was global warming, then global cooling, and now it’s climate change, so the cause of it is possibly a number of things, including porn, Trump, breathing, terrorism, and just general living.