Gov’t Website Says Santa Is Moving South To Escape Melting Ice

Even if there’s a new sheriff in town and climate change (aka global warming) is no longer regarded as a threat to the United States’ national security, we just learned from a Canadian government website that Santa Claus is now moving to the South Pole. Why? Well, to escape global warming, that’s why.

According to http://www.horizons.gc.ca, Santa Claus became very political lately and he signed an international agreement which says that Santa will move his workshop to the South Pole, in order to mitigate the effects of anthropogenic global warming. Anthropogenic as in man-made global warming that is. Here’s from the article:

“due to rapidly melting Arctic ice and growing human operations in the North, Santa Claus has signed an agreement with the International community to relocate his village next year to operate in an exclusive zone in the South Pole.”

santa moving to south pole due to global warmingThe Canadian government’s website contains other goodies, such as various policy issues aimed at advising government officials on the politically correct narrative, such as Santa investing in Bitcoin, or relying on an autonomous (as in self driving) sleigh; even the 3D printing technology is mentioned, as it’s used by Santa to make toys faster and presumably cheaper. However, one of the latest blog posts is aimed at promoting the so-called climate refugees:

“Santa’s relocation agreement marks the first time that the international community agrees on a common legal definition of climate change that includes refugees as corporations, as well as individuals.”

“This deal is expected to lead to the deployment of a global climate change refugee visa system that in the near future could help to more easily relocate individuals and corporations facing the impacts of climate change.”

According to the left’s mantra pedaled by both hardcore environmentalists and politicians alike, the refugee crisis is not due to stupid and suicidal policies, but to man made climate change, i.e. the Africans and Middle Easterners flooding Europe are actually displaced by weather events, with war being secondary or something along these lines.

After an exhausting investigation, it was determined that Santa is actually going to relocate to the South Pole in order to get further away from the numb-skulls running the government of Canada.